Against the Grain (con.)

Twelve days later, Malaykah was involved in a car accident. Through no fault of her own, she was rear-ended by a teenager. No one was hurt, and the damage was minimal. Malaykah took the incident in stride. She was grateful the mechanic quoted a reasonable price for repairs. The option to take the train to and from work seemed more beneficial than a rental car.

Not long after the accident, Malaykah began to experience body aches and severe migraines. She shook it off and continued to try to find momentum with balancing her life. Evenings on the train were a pleasant break from her usual routine. She was gifted the opportunity to think about her experiences both in the human realm and the realm beyond the stars and sea.

The train station was a mere fifteen-minute walk home. With her eyes towards the sky and head in the clouds, she nearly missed Shannon in the driveway with a man in a car. There was no way to mistake who was inside the vehicle. It was none other than Alejandro. He sped away so fast that he did not see Malaykah walk up to the house.

“Nice night to be out and about,” she said to her daughter.

Shannon shrieked and dropped her house key on the ground. She turned around and glared at her mother. Her hands shook so hard that she was unable to fit the key inside the slot. Malaykah gently nudged her to the side and opened the door with her own key.

“Mom, you scared the crap out of me,” Shannon said with a tremble in her voice.

Malaykah began to hum and said, “Did I now? My apologies, dear.”

Shannon eased inside the house behind her mother, not sure what to make of the situation.

“It was a nice night. Lucky for us, the rain finally lifted,” Shannon murmured slowly.

Malaykah took off her heels and plopped on the couch.

“I do appreciate the rain for my sad little garden outback, but taking the train does make it feel like a challenge,” she said while digging through her purse for her phone.

Shannon sat beside her, completely thrown off by Malaykah’s mood.

“Okay, Mom, let’s stop with the polite banter. Go ahead and lay into me,” she demanded.

Malaykah dumped the entire contents of her purse on the couch without finding her phone. She busied herself with the search for several minutes. Finally, Shannon became annoyed and cleared her throat loudly to retrieve her mother’s attention.

Malaykah looked up at her disgruntled child and chuckled, “Lay into you about what, darling?

Shannon scoffed, “I know you saw who dropped me off just a minute ago.”

Malaykah nodded silently as if she did not recognize the car.

Shannon scooted closer and reached for her hand.

“Actually, the timing is perfect. You may as well know, Dro and I are back together.”

Malaykah sat in silence. She imagined that her facial expression did not reveal any kind of emotional response because Shannon seemed to search her eyes with a penetrating stare.

“Oh my, what an interesting development,” she chimed passively and began to sift through her purse once again.

Shannon became incredulously furious. Without thinking, she snatched the purse to toss it across the room.

“Is that all you’re going to say?” she yelled.

Malaykah tensed up, prepared to yell back. Then suddenly, she looked at Shannon’s visible aggravation and felt empathy. The twins crept out of their rooms to see what all the commotion was about. Malaykah waved her hand for them to stand down.

“What would you like me to say?” she asked.

Shannon stood over her mother and continued to yell. “I don’t know; maybe yell or scream. You could tell me what a no-good loser my boyfriend is. You could do something to discourage me from seeing him.”

Malaykah attempted to soften her tone.

“Do you really need me to do any of that?” she asked.

Shannon glanced at her siblings. Roy looked as if he wanted to pounce on her, but Roxy glared at them both in confusion. The room was silent for a good minute before Shannon responded to their mother.

“Well, no. But jeez, Mom. You’ve changed so much since that awful night. We hardly recognize you anymore.”

“Why aren’t you bent out of shape?” Roxy interjected.

“Are you feeling alright, Mom?” Roy asked.

“How did this conversation shift over towards me?” Malaykah chuckled.

Feeling defeated, Shannon plopped down on the couch.

“Because; we need you to be our mom again. Not this nonchalant fem-bot who can just remain chill about everything,” she said.

Malaykah shook her head and laughed, “Well, this is a first. I’ve been called many things in my lifetime, but never a fem-bot.”

Shannon pinched her on the thigh and said, “Mom, I’m being serious. You don’t seem to care too much about anything these days. You haven’t intervened when the twins team up against me. Your job doesn’t seem to have you stressed out anymore, and I honestly feel like you’re practically giving your blessings for me to date Dro again.”

Malaykah playfully pinched Shannon’s leg and replied, “You’re wrong. I decided to let the three of you hash things out like mature adults should do. Nothing bad has happened yet. My life at the office is purely miserable, but I can’t just quit. I haven’t given my blessings for you to take up with Dro. In fact, I think it’s a terrible idea. However, I know if I allow my irritation to rule over the things I can’t change, there would be nothing but catastrophic consequences. The best I can do is control my emotions and believe for the best results. I don’t want to fight with you, the twins, Alejandro, or my boss, for that matter.”

Both Roxy and Roy came to the couch to hug Malaykah. Shannon, however, was even more displeased.

“What kind of Jedi mind trick is this? I half expected you to throat punch me over Dro,” she exclaimed.

Malaykah pulled Shannon into her embrace.

“What would that solve?” she asked.

Shannon abruptly pulled away and huffed.

“Maybe nothing. Maybe it would make you feel better, instead of suppressing your feelings. Or maybe it would set me straight. It certainly seemed to work on Dro. He’s been a saint lately,” she answered.

Malaykah threw her arms around Shannon so tight she could not escape. After she squirmed for a few minutes, she surrendered. Roxy and Roy continued to latch on to their mother, and they all silently wept.

“I don’t want you to suffer, Shannon. I don’t want any of you to suffer at all. If I tell you to stay away from him, it would only push you further into his arms. I don’t want there to be a rift between any of us. So my hands are tied, but my heart is wide opened,” Malaykah cried.

Shannon raised her head and shook away when Roy tried to hold her in place.

“I know you think you’re being strong right now. Somehow you believe using reversed psychology will make everything alright. Truth is, I prefer the old you who would go at least eight rounds with me to prove a point.” She got off the couch and grabbed her keys to walk out the door. “This new version of you sucks. You’re weak and afraid to actively participate in your life. Whatever happened to you while you were in a coma must’ve been truly unnerving.”

Roy calmly walked over to Shannon and shoved her against the front door.

“You really need to watch your tone, big sis,” he warned.

“Why do you always have to act like a spoiled ass brat?” Roxy chimed in.

Malaykah wiped her face without so much as a word. It took her a few moments to realize her children were about to come to blows. She banged her fist on the coffee table to get their attention and said, “If you took up with Dro because you couldn’t help yourself, I understand. If you did it to serve as a wake-up call to me, I understand that too. The question you need to ask yourself is, who are you really angry at? As a mother, I’ve done all I can and then some to look after you all. At some point, you have to fend for yourself and deal with the fallout from whatever consequences that may come. Yes, it’s risky. But ultimately, it’s up to you to make it out on the other side of any dark tunnel you find yourself in.” She got up and walked towards her bedroom. “I pray you never spend a day in my shoes.”

~Ch. 16, The Realm Beyond the Stars and Sea~

Against the Grain

Mr. Jung peered through the blinds of his office window at her. He casually strolled out onto the main floor in mix-matched polka dot socks. The rest of the department carried on as if they did not see him. He walked near Malaykah’s cubicle and waited for her to get off the phone before gesturing with his index finger for her to come see him.

Malaykah sat in a chair directly across from his desk. Her mind was hazy from all of the impended demands of deadlines. She did not have time to sit and chat but did not want to appear disrespectful. Mr. Jung entered behind her, but rudely began typing an email in silence. As soon as he pressed send, he turned around and looked at her.

“I called you in here because we’re in a bit of a jam. As you know, we’ve been short-staffed for several years. The hiring process has taken a toll on our department. As a result, we can’t get ahead to stay out of the red on the budget,” Mr. Jung said.

Malaykah sat confused and wondered why Mr. Jung called her in his office to tell her things she already knew. She gave a silent nod to show attentiveness.

He stood from his swivel chair and continued, “Some of the people in this department; I don’t know how they were promoted in the first place. They lack perseverance and always complain when times are hard.” He looked at her smugly and began to rub his left hand on top of his right hand. “You were promoted pretty fast, even though you hadn’t been with this company long. You’d better be grateful that Mrs. Jones was in charge during that time. She’s retired now, but with the current administration, I doubt you’d be here.”

Malaykah was taken back at Mr. Jung’s statement. His words were like a kick to the gut and deflated any enthusiasm she had for being there. In her mind, he implied she was not promoted because of her hard work, but only because of Mrs. Jones, who just happened to also be a black woman. The gall of Mr. Jung’s arrogance and racist remarks clarified why everyone thought he was shady.

Obviously, this matter would have been easy to a complaint with the human resources department. However, Malaykah was exhausted as a person of color to experience such a demeaning encounter even after the Rosemont Retirement Facility encouraged years of cultural competency training. She knew Mr. Jung would use his snake charmer skills to convince everyone he only intended to give a motivational pep talk It would be his word against hers. The leadership was never top tier, but prejudices and racism were not supposed to be acceptable by any means.

She swallowed all the vitriol swelling in her throat and simply said, “I need to get back to work.”

~Ch. 16, The Realm Beyond the Stars and Sea~

Reality VS M. Malcolm

Fourteen days later, the doctor gave her a clean bill of health, and she was cleared to be discharged from the hospital. The kids were still in school when J’aime came to pick her up. Although Malaykah preferred a quiet ride home, J’aime had a lot on her mind.

“Mally, I’m glad you’re back to new, but you scared the hell out of all of us. That night when you went berserk on Alejandro, the poor sucker begged the police to take him into custody just to get away from you. He had a concussion but refused medical treatment and went straight to jail. We haven’t heard from him since,” she said.

Malaykah did not want to revisit the night she beat up her daughter’s boyfriend. As far as she was concerned, he deserved nothing less, and no further explanation was necessary. She silently tugged at her seatbelt to loosen the strap, then pulled her hoodie over her head. J’aime was none the wiser and continued her rant.

“Then there’s you, who’s been roaming around like superwoman with your kids, work, and the dance studio. All the while with a tumor on your brain. Why didn’t you say anything or tell me you needed help?”

“I didn’t know,” Malaykah shrugged.

J’aime pulled over to the shoulder of the road in tears.

“I swear, I thought you were going to leave us forever. The kids were a mess, and I was even messier.”

Malaykah sat up, unlatched her seatbelt, and leaned over to hug her friend.

“Thank you for taking good care of them. It means a lot. You’re amazing,” she replied.

J’aime chuckled through a sniffle and said, “Honestly, it was them who took care of me. Roxy and Roy rallied together, but Shannon was beside herself with grief. She blames herself for what went down with Dro and for you wind up in the hospital,” she said.

Malaykah swallowed harshly as she imagined how much pain Shannon must have been in.

“It’s not her fault that I had a tumor, and no one could control our fight with Alejandro,” she replied.

J’aime looked at her somberly.

“We both know that, but Shannon truly believes she stressed you into developing a tumor. I tried to talk some sense into her, along with Roxy and Roy. For the most part, everyone seems to be back on the mend. Especially now that you’ve fully recovered. I just have two questions; where the hell did you go, and why did it take so long to come back?” she asked.

For Malaykah, those were loaded questions. She never dared to mention anything about Alëxios or Phëläniciä. There was no way to tell her best friend that she was now a married queen of a kingdom destroyed by mythological creatures. Malaykah was certain J’aime would send her back to the hospital to check for more tumors. So she decided to lie instead.

Malaykah paused for a moment, then said, “I don’t remember anything after I passed out on the sidewalk that night.”

~Ch. 16, The Realm Beyond the Stars and Sea~

Divinity Exchange

The deliberations concluded with a difficult compromise. Governor Cläuveous was reluctant to repent for not sending his army to support Phëläniciä against the Tengu clan. He was adamant that it would not be in anyone’s best interest to exhaust resources and manpower. He also remained firm that it was not prudent to risk the lives of Bäussëll soldiers, who were mere mice compared to the likes of a War God.

Alëxios reprimanded Cläuveous for being in breach of Bäussëll’s obligation to fulfill every aspect of the ancient-old alliance with Phëläniciä. This meant their province could lose rights to royal protection from vandals and robbers at the ports, which would disrupt trading posts and cause a catastrophic financial loss.

The impasse was settled when Cläuveous agreed to dispatch Eleven-hundred Bäussëll soldiers, seventy medics, and thirty scouts to assist the Phëläniciäns with recovery. At dawn, the Phëläniciän caravan set out for a territory 900 kilometers east called Änkhöѐ. Byakko and seven well-abled dragons flew ahead to ensure a safe route of travel. It was a great relief that the remaining dragons did not succumb to any life-threatening injuries.

The area served as a refugee camp and had been abandoned for several decades. Phëläniciä had not been challenged, notably due to reluctance to battle the War God-King. Severe drought also plagued the land, which stark contrast with Governor Cläuveous’s effort to resurrect the royal tents. Unevenly plotted mauve-colored sheepskin tents flapped in the wind, on the brink of blowing away. A Phëläniciän soldier stepped on a large mound, which turned out to be the royal flag and banner. Several men had to excavate them from a sandpit. The air was hardly breathable from the thick aroma of wildlife carcasses. Every aspect of the scenery felt ominous, lifeless.

Alëxios commanded the troops to rally in the center of the camp. He was determined to keep his unit strong with encouragement and re-establish his position as their formidable king. He stood, appearing valiant and full of vigor, on a stone ledge to make his address in front of the masses.

“To wake from slumber out of the hellish nightmares that befell our beloved kingdom, we must rise to the dawn of a new day. Our homeland, once bountiful and full of promise, has been diminished to rumble. Our kinsmen were mercilessly slaughtered by the monstrous appetite for dominance of the Tengu clan. Yet, as brave Phëläniciäns, we held ourselves to the task of defending our territory. By no means was this a loss because we were able to retreat safely to Bäussëll. Though through arduous persuasion, Governor Cläuveous was gracious enough to remember and tactfully keep our treaty in place for such a time as this.” He held his katana firm in the air and continued. “I say to you now; it is alright to weep for the dismantled life we once knew. But once you have come to the end of your grief, the real work will begin. We, as Phëläniciäns, are known for resilience. The road to recovery will be a long, laborious haul. I have no doubt there will be plenty more obstacles assigned to deter our success. However, we mustn’t allow anything to block our way, and we certainly will not wallow in despair.”

Malaykah felt a stir in her soul as she watched his words resonate among the people. His fearless demeanor made it easy for her to understand why he was well-revered throughout the realm. At first, she assumed it was because of his status as both a God and king. But, slowly, she began to appreciate the balance of strength he harnessed and distributed to his kingdom. He had the character and convictions of a man who intended to use his power for good instead of evil.

Her heartbeat loudly through her body with a surge of boldness, which provoked her to speak.

“Now is the time! This moment right now is where you must find the resolve to pick yourselves up and move forward. This very place where we all stand is the first test of many trials meant to be endured. If we let it stay as it is, a disastrous gravesite, we would be allowing hopelessness and defeat to win. So, let’s change our circumstances, little by little. We may not be able to rebuild Phëläniciä today, but we can regain our dignity by fixing this plot of land up so that it can be a pleasant space for our living quarters,” she said.

Only the sound of muffled mumbles and gasps was heard. Not everyone had been informed that the king had taken a bride. The whispers were meant to respectfully deliver the news to the unknowing members of the audience. However, Alëxios took offense.

His emerald eyes glowed like a neon sign in the pitch-black night. His body began to radiate a shockwave that dispelled through the entire area. Everyone, except Malaykah, bowed with their faces low to the ground in fright. He looked at his queen, whose sunflower emblem beamed brightly on her forehead. She did not appear to be afraid, and her brown eyes blazed. She motioned her lips for him to stop.

Alëxios yielded his chaos but did not calm his rage.

“Hear me now, all of Phëläniciä and Bäussëll! You will address this divine goddess as your queen. From here on out, you will bow to her as you bow to me. Her word will be decreed as both royal law and testament written in the sacred scrolls,” he bellowed.

One by one, the crowd began to chant loudly, “All hail Divine Queen Malaykah, a long life may she live!”

Within an hour, the camp took on the task of cleaning up their area. All the quarters were sectioned off properly for soldier squads, medics, and citizens. The kitchen staff helped assemble the meal by gathering a hog, game hens, and all the assorted herbs the queen asked for. Malaykah assisted with the cooking to formulate a broth boiled with healing herbs and pain-reducing spices.

It was no later than sunset when the area beautification project was completed, and the evening meal was served. Everyone made a toast to the king and queen after he placed a sapphire bangled earring in her left ear to officially signify their union. After that, the mood became light-hearted and festive as everyone ate their meal. Malaykah made bottles of wine from a specific fruit known for its high potency levels.

Some of the Phëläniciän musicians found the old instruments left behind decades ago and cleaned them off. They brought out large bronze goblet drums, bongos, harps, and maracas. A thunderous melodic beat vibrated through the ground. It reminded Malaykah of the Caribbean soul music she listened to both as a child and dance instructor.

The Phëläniciän musicians certainly had their own distinct style, but the flow of each instrument made Malaykah’s hips sway side to side in rhythm. Her dance became more flamboyant with high kicks, dizzying twirls, and flailed arms. She was the center of attention, with all eyes entranced.

None dared to blink, watching their new queen work herself into a tantric sweat. The air, which was once dank with the rot of death, had a sweet mist. The light sprinkle turned into a downpour of warm raindrops. Malaykah did not stop her dance, nor did the musicians stop playing. The people merrily lapped in the rain while Alëxios held his gaze on Malaykah.

He stepped over to her without lifting his eyes. He took her hand and led her away to their sleeping quarters. The king’s massive tent was a sight to behold. In the middle of the space was a golden silk-pillowed lounge chair set at the foot of a cushioned mattress. The covers were made of the finest linens. They walked across a fur-skinned rug holding hands.

Alëxios silently sat on the lounge chair with his arms spread across the backboard. His eyes commanded for her to undress. Malaykah slowly removed her dress but remained in her velvet bodice and briefs. She straddled his lap with a kiss. Their passionate kiss made the ground gently tremble.

Lady Rüvym and Sӧlitha’s shared quarters were in the tent directly across from the king’s Lady Rüvym giggled when she felt the tremors, but Sӧlitha blinked with wrath.

“See now how they carry on?” she asked. “My brother had just barely been revived from the brink, only to have our kingdom fall. Where the devil was there any time to marry a soul?

Lady Rüvym finished rubbing her moisturizing creams on her hand and face in silence. Then, she turned to Sӧlitha and said, “I assure you, child, every traditional practice was performed during their marital rituals. The ceremony was upheld by Őrapäm, the elder monk who trained Alëxios and Byakko,” she answered.

Sӧlitha glared at her with a malicious smirk.

“I suppose you are pleased with how well this fiasco is going,” she said.

Lady Rüvym removed her headdress and fluffed the pillows on their mattress, then coyly asked, “My dear, whatever do you mean?”

Sӧlitha snatched the linen covers and plopped on the bed.

“Don’t play like a shy fox now. You know what I meant,” she said.

Lady Rüvym peeled the covers back and slid next to her.

“If you mean that I am pleased that my beloved grandson has finally found his lifemate, then yes, I am ecstatic. Her divine lineage is merely fate. He discovered a descendant of the goddess, Oshun, on his own merit,” she said.

To that, Sӧlitha rolled over and pulled the covers overhead.

“Do not revel in triumph just yet, ancient one. This futile union will provide no heir to the throne. Have you forgotten she is half-human and well past her fertile years?” she asked.

Lady Rüvym scoffed. “You make our queen sound like a dried-up old mapleberry Malaykah is hardly past her prime, and her maidenhood needn’t be in question. She still yet receives her courses in the human realm. There, she has produced three healthy offspring. Here, we just witnessed that her divinity is her dominant trait. The fall she took out of the tunnel would have killed any other from her realm. Her limitations as a human could very well be overridden.”

Back in the king’s tent, the pair intensified their passion by clawing to rip away the remainder of their clothes. Alëxios paused for a moment to assess the situation. He had never considered himself a brute during love-making. Nevertheless, it was apparent that they would send the entire camp into a terror frenzy if they could not control themselves.

He led her off the lounge chair onto the mattress. She sat perched on her knees as he came around back and began to kiss her neck. The energy surges between the two lit the tent. He grabbed her hand and eased it down between her legs. She moaned loudly with exertion.

Without moving his lips, he said, “Calm yourself, love. Let go and take control all at once.”

Malaykah heard his words like a sensual whisper in her soul. He guided her hand back and forth with such care that her thighs became weak.

His voice echoed, “Know yourself so that you will know me.” Then he moved her hand and placed his own inside her.

They both felt the catch and release of each with the force of ecstasy. The shifts and exchanges of celestial power made them float above the bed. Hour after hour kept them engulfed in flames of lust and love.

~Ch. 15, The Realm Beyond the Stars and Sea~

Cry to the Moon

Friday morning started off as an ordinary, usual day at Rosemount Retirement Facility. In the accounting department, numbers were crunched, meetings were held, and the copy machine was out of commission. The only thing that broke the monotony was the announcement of Miracelle Ruiz’s engagement. Instead of joining the exuberant celebration, Malaykah Malcolm sat in her cubicle and silently wept.

“I was with her the day she met Danny, six months ago. She was so nervous about being around such a sexy man that she begged me to attend most of their dates. Of course, I never had a date of my own to make it a double. Danny didn’t seem to mind in the beginning. When was it—-about two months ago, I stopped receiving invites. I guess Mir finally got herself together, and Danny was more than ready to cut the cord. Maybe I should stop sulking and go tell her congratulations,” she thought.

Malaykah dabbed her eyes with several Kleenex, then got up from her desk. A long line of eager coworkers waited to give well wishes. Malaykah waited patiently for her chance, though her heart wanted nothing more than to flee the scene. When she finally stood in front of Miracelle, they both broke into tears.

“Thank you so much for everything. None of this would be possible without you,” Miracelle sobbed as she threw her arms around Malaykah.

“Don’t mention it,” Malaykah said while she tried to wiggle herself free.

Miracelle chuckled and unclasped her hands. “It’s no hay problema,” she said.

The two women struggled when Miracelle’s giant sapphire engagement ring was caught in Malaykah’s afro puff. Miracelle’s screamed in panic for ten minutes until the ring was safely untangled. She tried to apologize for her erratic behavior, but no one was cheerful by the end of the party.

~Ch. 1, The Realm Beyond the Stars and Sea~

Blessed Alliance (p. 2)

The cabin hall fell deathly silent in awe. Sӧlitha made her way through the crowd as he spoke. A fit of wrath surged through her weary core as she blurted out, “Brother, surely you speak in jest or from simple madness acquired by your injuries. It is well known to all by now that you intend for this human-woman to become your betrothed. The appointed occasion has not yet arrived.”

Lady Rüvym appeared from the far end of the hall, near the infirmary doorway. She interjected with a thunderous voice that echoed down to where everyone stood.

“In truth, our great king is neither facetious nor does he suffer from any wound-inflicted madness. Before the fall of Phëläniciä, I witnessed the sacred marital rituals performed in the Valley of Lilies. Therefore, Malaykah is our Divine Queen who shall rule alongside His Majesty, King Alëxios.”

Alëxios wasted no time to address the medic, who by then stood with his jaw wide open.

“Now, for the last time, I order you to attend to her at once.”

The medic bowed and led the way to the infirmary. All eyes anxiously followed the king to their destination. At first, the medical staff wrestled with Alëxios to give Malaykah a proper examination. Then, she was placed on a cot and given several heated blankets to treat hypothermia. A dislocated shoulder from the fall was determined to be the source of her pain. When she awakened, the medics drew heavy brown wool curtains closed for privacy. Finally, the slender medic nodded at Alëxios to sit her up.

She leaned her head on his chest for support while the staff discussed the best method to reset her shoulder in place. They fretted over, angering the king further by causing more distress. There was no way to get around the pain that would be inflicted to set her bone back into its socket. Malaykah’s eyes swelled with tears.

Without moving her mouth, she said, “I am in pain now, but not afraid of what will come next. My actions were of my own volition. I wanted to be brave because I know that you are. I wanted to help everyone; it was the least I could do.”

Alëxios gently clutched her closer and nestled his chin in her hair.

“My kinsmen are fortunate to have such a strong queen. All of Phëläniciä is grateful for your service. I could not be prouder to be your lovemate,” he replied out loud.

It startled Malaykah that Alëxios heard her thoughts. Though her body had been thoroughly warmed with blankets, she began to convulse with anxiety. A short blonde nurse injected a syringe with a numbing antidote into her shoulder. As she relaxed, the slender medic switched places with Alëxios. Once the nurse braced her up, the medic forcefully rammed her shoulder bone into its socket.

~Ch. 14, Somewhere Beyond the Stars and Sea~

A Gem About Moï

For the most part, I am good at making decisions. I manage my affairs with a sound mind. However, there are legitimate moments when I cannot muster enough critical thinking skills to “land the bird.” Folks might not know or understand my lavish attraction to candy. I love all kinds, really. That’s why (a memory of my twenty-something-year-old self) a trip to a candy store haunts me to date.

I remember going in with feverish excitement and spirited determination. I wanted something, but wasn’t sure of what it was. I couldn’t decide how much I wanted or if I should mix it with something else. I panicked; my throat was dry and I felt hollow on the inside. A bead of sweat ran down my forehead, only to collide with a single tear drop. I ran out of the store without ever speaking to the clerk, let alone buying anything.

Today I went on a mini adventure. I almost regretted it as soon as I began because I felt like an outcast and I didn’t know what to buy. I’m glad I didn’t run away. That was a big step for me. I found some items that I liked and was confident in my choices. I thought the relief I felt when I sat back in my car was enormously satisfying, but when I shared my gifts with my family they made me feel like a Powerful Queen for having such good insight and taste.

Illuminated Reflection

I used to believe the sun and moon were lonely, like me. They both reside in a realm of isolation, like me. They both are continuously subjected to ridicule and praise, like me. The only difference is that they never wallow in despair from lack of gratification. They take pride in how they bring warmth and illumination to all near or far. They never despise their reflection because they know their worth. I aspire to be like the sun and moon.